How Can Churches Support Someone with Depression?
How Can Churches Support Someone with Depression?
Depression is common. Even if you don’t know anyone who is experiencing it, it is highly likely that there is someone with depression in your church who is struggling today. They might not know how to reach out for help, and they might easily get overlooked. How would you start a conversation with them? And if they do ask for help, how would you respond?
In my last article Why Does the Church Need to Talk About Mental Health in 2026? I talked about some of the things that put people off talking about mental health, in this article I’m going to be thinking what we can do as a church to support people, particularly those with depression.
What does depression actually look like?
We all have our ups and downs, and people often use the word depression to refer to a bad mood where you may feel sad. However, depression is a clinical diagnosis with specific features. The three main symptoms of depression are
- persistent low mood – usually for at least 2 weeks
- low energy levels
- the inability to enjoy things that you usually enjoy (anhedonia)
Most people with a diagnosis of depression will have at least two out of these three symptoms.
There are many other symptoms of depression, but let’s think about what specifically you might notice in church.
First of all, you might not actually notice anything. A lot of people mask how they're feeling, and if you only see them for half an hour after the service on a Sunday, you might not pick up on it at all. Someone with depression may still come to church, smile, sing, serve and talk to people. But, they might be more withdrawn or less talkative, distractible, forgetful, or less organised than usual.
They may be absent, or they might leave quickly once the service is over to avoid talking to people.
They might be taking less care of their appearance, they may look tired or have changes in their weight. They might talk more about negative things, have poor self-esteem or be tearful.
We can also think about the risk factors for depression to help us to spot those that might be struggling. They may have had recent stressful life events or a past history of trauma. Any major losses can precipitate depression; for example, unemployment, bereavement, loneliness, or loss of physical health.
Other life events that appear to be positive can still be a risk for depression, especially if it's accompanied by a big change in lifestyle. For example, moving to a new country, retiring, adopting a child or getting married.
Hormones can also influence depression, so things like puberty, premenstrual syndrome, pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause are also risk factors.
What should I say?
When someone has depression, they see life through a negative lens. Everything becomes touched by those negative thoughts, what they believe about themselves, their thoughts about others, about God, about their future, and about their world. It all becomes very dark and there may be guilt, shame, hopelessness, helplessness, indecision, and poor memory.
They might have thoughts around depression being sinful, denying God's ability to forgive them, or guilt from not being able to motivate themselves to do anything to help them feel better. They might feel they are undeserving of help and just bring others down. They may feel like the world is better off without them. These feelings will have an impact on how they relate to you as you try to talk to them about how they are and what can help them.
By bearing in mind these thoughts that they might be having, you can ensure that you approach them in a non-judgmental and compassionate way.
How can a church support someone with depression?
Listen rather than trying to fix it
You don’t have to make everything better, and there are no magic words you can say to make it all go away. Just sitting with someone and listening to them if they want to talk, or sitting in silence just keeping them company, can be enough to make someone feel that they are not alone and that there is hope that things might get better.
Keep in touch and don't take withdrawal personally
When you are depressed, it can be hard to talk to people, answer text messages, or phone calls. As the person trying to help you may have messaged them once or twice and had no answer, or you might invite them out and they decline. If you are not seeing them regularly it can be easy for the depressed person to be overlooked and sidelined. Putting in a regular time to check in with them each week will help you to not forget them but also won’t feel too overwhelming for them., Even if they do not reply or decline your invites, they will be reassured that you care.
Ask what would actually help
Generally speaking, when you are depressed, everything is a struggle. From getting up and getting dressed to shopping and cleaning and going to work. So, any support you can give around these practical things will be a help.
Making decisions when you're depressed is also really hard, so asking somebody what they need to help them can be a difficult question for them to answer. Supporting their main carer if they have one is important, and it's probably better to ask them what needs doing rather than the person with depression.
You could make a list of all the things that you could help with and ask which of these they would like you to do to reduce the mental load.
Encourage professional help
Encourage professional help when appropriate especially if the symptoms continue for a long time or start to interfere too much with daily life. They can discuss their issues with their GP as a first port of call. Professional help may be from a therapist or in the form of medication. Some Christians worry about whether taking anti-depressants is compatible with their faith which I have discussed further in this article https://encouragementalhealth.org/blog/is-seeking-professional-help-for-mental-health-issues-compatible-with-my-faith . I often get asked about where people can find a Christian therapist and although it is not necessary for your therapist to share your faith for therapy to be helpful, there are options out there for people looking for a Christian mental health professional. https://encouragementalhealth.org/resources
Keep praying, but don't make prayer the whole response
We know that God can heal but that doesn’t always happen the way we think it should! Keep praying for them and with them.
When should a church be concerned about suicide?
Anyone with poor mental health is at risk of having suicidal thoughts and we shouldn’t be afraid of asking about these feelings and talking openly about them. There is so much stigma around suicidal thoughts that Christians may hide what they are experiencing so we need to be the ones to open up conversations around suicide. There is free training available online to help you think about how you would do this.
https://www.zerosuicidealliance.com/suicide-awareness-training
If you have concerns for anyone’s safety then do seek urgent help – In the UK you can call 111 and talk to your local mental health services.
What if they stop coming to church?
It can be difficult for someone to cope with going to church when they're having a bad time with depression. They might struggle to concentrate on the sermon, be unable to socialise with people afterwards and find the whole thing too noisy and too busy. They might feel overwhelmed with emotion and worry that they will just let it all out if something sets them off.
Just getting there on time may be tricky. You could ask if there's anything you can do to help with all of this. Some ideas could be: a lift to church, a quiet place to go in church away from all of the people or with just one or two close friends to chat to, rather than being with everyone else, or having a one-to-one meeting in the week rather than attending the big Sunday service. Recordings of the sermon to listen back to may also be helpful if poor concentration is a problem.
Churches don't have to become mental health services
Churches don’t need to have all the answers or fix people experiencing mental illness but they can do a lot of things to support people going through depression.
Overall good support isn't about having the perfect words. It's about helping someone know:
You are not a burden.
You don't have to pretend you're okay.
You still belong here.
We care about you.
And you don't have to face this alone.
Could your church support someone with depression?
Most churches already have people who genuinely want to help. What is often missing is the knowledge and confidence to know what good support looks like. That's why I created Encourage Mental Health, to help churches understand mental health and support people well.
Find out more about mental health training for churches.